Forget the DONDA album, here’s an essay.

How I Look At People

I’ve just rolled a ham and cheese wrap underneath a paper towel with the scandalous guilt of someone who was rolling a blunt.

My mom’s boyfriend Josh said, after coming in from a walk, “Did you wash your hands after the pull-up bar?” He followed with a liberal but hasty washing of his own hands. I asked for food from the pantry, my mom walked over to get it. “Did you wash them?” came an outcry familiar to me. Josh said it once more when my Mom handed me a Ritz cracker sleeve. “The whole sleeve?” she said with the…

Forget the DONDA Album. Here’s an essay.

We’re in a car together. I’m driving, my phone is connected to Bluetooth, and my damaged iPhone dongle is practically shooting sparks at you from beyond it’s frayed wire.

You have just finished spewing a passive-aggressive speech on how Tyler the Creator’s song “EARFQUAKE!” is comparable to Martin Luther’s Ninety-Five Theses.

I nod, and respond by saying that “no”, the artist most under-deserved is in fact Clyde Lawrence from the band “Lawrence”.

He sings in the same chromatic scale of his brass section, often opting to hit a jazzy flat note instead of…

What’s better: to be a crazy 20 year old, or to be a relaxed 70 year old?

I had a decision to make: spend my savings on travel or contribute towards my crippling american debt.

I am worth a total of about $10,000. I have alternative student loans totaling about $35,000, $2,800 of which is interest, and additional Federal Loans that come to about $15,000.

I have two savings accounts. Both are stock-aligned, and one is a Retirement Fund. My stock account has more than the Retirement fund, but both of them combined reach about $7,000. I have some hidden cryptocurrency (don’t get excited, not much) and a few hidden stocks in my CashApp.

And that’s it…

You have gone on three dates with a person. Suddenly, an urge resonates from in your heart, and you want to text, “I miss you” to them. Should you?

On one hand, you should never put this many “cards on the table” so early in a relationship. It is overwhelming, slightly smothering, and can leave a person wishing they hadn’t swiped on the insecure mush that stands before them. When the dating pool regenerates every 24 hours with new “Top Picks”, there is no reason to think that a sudden display of your own (not his/hers) passion will be the…

I’m standing at a pop-up park on the Upper East Side. I had never met Nicole in-person, but we had a dynamic friendship over Zoom. Three hours from now, I’ll never hear from her again.

I once read my families’ Verizon bill and found that I sent easily over one thousand texts one month. Some go unanswered and forgotten. But, in present day, being forgotten is a premeditated and active effort. It’s hard work to get ghosted.

A phone is a tool. It is not who you are. I can send thousands of texts in a month, and still neglect…

The subtleties of masculinity & the blurred lines between ignorance and courage

You know this couple. The female partner is stunning, successful and empathetic, while the man she has attached herself to could only be described as “average”. They text each other things like, “just ate today.” And “good job babe.” They are constantly shaping the other person to be more like themselves, with the girlfriend complaining about incessant video game playing, and the male counterpart regurgitating a decade-old joke about women’s sensitivity. We see him gawking at a wine menu while standing with one hand in his khaki shorts, the other hand palming the small of her back. Everyone loves these…

A transcript interview from one of America’s most prominent pyramid networks.

You probably have a friend who consults for Arbonne. Their victims are easy to spot: look for the washed-out Instagram filters, overexposed sundresses, iced coffee in mason jars, or the personal branding of a farmhouse sink.

I was at a Wegman’s when Natasha saw me. Natasha, whose name I’ve changed for this piece, took a bite from the Vegan Energy Bar brand I was handing out before she gave me her number.

She was a young mother, and thought that my work ethic as a Brand Ambassador might be…

How a meaningful life is the opposite of what college prepared me for, and how to change it.

After finishing the Chapter on Life at 3AM, I emailed my college advisor for a leave of absence, sent an ultimatum to my summer job with full knowledge that I would be fired, and then budgeted a trip to Berlin.

I was a swampy mess of negative thoughts. I had spent the weekend with friends who were more commercially successful and more financially free. I took a hard look at myself and saw a boy in a man’s body, wearing off-brand Old Navy clothes, and still wrestling with “building a self”.

And then, a book told me it was all…


The first TikTok that “blew up” was one I created after reading, “Imaginary Friend”, a book by Stephen Chbosky. In a stroke of (what I thought to be) creative genius, I stood in front of my camera and performed a deconstruction of one of my favorite TikTok Trends, “Duet This”. The trend started out being for legitimate advice or crazy niches. The idea would be that a person would show something weird, like a flight simulator in their home, and use a prompt like, “Duet this if you…

Entire cultures are built inside the comment section of every app. There is an etiquette: on Instagram you say short blurbs about how beautiful the user is, on TikTok you promote chaos in the void in small 240-character increments (often with a follow up), and on Twitter you make short quips or puns about the undeniable truths of the world. Comment sections make every internet user a little blogger, and many vie for that “top comment” status which is awarded to the select few. However, top comments are the shortest route to fame.

One of my favorite types of comments…

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