You have gone on three dates with a person. Suddenly, an urge resonates from in your heart, and you want to text, “I miss you” to them. Should you?
On one hand, you should never put this many “cards on the table” so early in a relationship. It is overwhelming, slightly smothering, and can leave a person wishing they hadn’t swiped on the insecure mush that stands before them. When the dating pool regenerates every 24 hours with new “Top Picks”, there is no reason to think that a sudden display of your own (not his/hers) passion will be the token to win them over. We practice restraint as to not debase the form of love.
On the other hand, you cannot hope to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who cannot accept a small sentiment of fondness. Love is all-consuming, constantly fleeting, and at its best: temporary. You must act on your impulses now, since they will only harden into regrets later.
There is so much game play around dating because once we find the person, a person whom we think can be the co-conspirator to our lives, we want the presence of mind to share our affection for them without demanding that they share anything for us. It’s as if, during the chase of love, we simultaneously require an out-pour of affection while also requiring that they not devalue themselves with too much vulnerability.
We are considerate to their every nuance, because we are nuanced ourselves. This squashes any grand romantic gesture, leaves us to over interpret every text message and attach meaning to every sigh. It misattributes value to equanimity rather than impulsivity, when all we truly want to do is burst into song and write them a poem. And why shouldn’t we? Wouldn’t we prefer such an elaborate display for ourselves? It would be selfish to think not.
Still, we sit in front of romantic movies, and flutter over romantic books, while denying those same stories in our lives.
We are selfish to desire grandeur, but too selfish to be grand ourselves at the risk of humiliation. It’s no wonder that nobody writes love letters anymore.
